FRED

My granddad died today at 12:40 pm NZDT.

I loved him so very much. We didn't always see eye to eye, usually because of the choices I made regarding how I lived my life, and how I dealt with my addiction problems.

James Alfred Fredrick George Carroll was 94 years old. He had seen a lot in his time. World war, man walking on the moon, global flights, computers, marriages, birth of his children, grandchildren & great grandchildren, death of his beloved wife Ruby 23 years ago. He has seen his grandson desend into drug addiction & clean up. He has faced down cancer. He was his own man. He worked as a prison guard, a musician, a wood turner, an agricultural inspector.

My granddad has "been there, done that". His great grandchildren were his pride & joy. To be able to introduce Jacob to him this morning was something very special. He was alert enough to see him, follow him with his eyes & acknowledge him. For me the most touching moment today was when Benjamin kissed Fred goodbye, just as he has done every other time he has seen him. Now I need to explain to Bug why he can't go & see Fred anymore. Fred adored Bug for the simple fact that Benjamin loved him without expectation or condition. It was the love a 2 year old has for his grandad.

Fred, I love you & I miss you. There is so much more I want to say but the tears are coming just a bit to fast now to even try & see the keyboard.

The funeral plans will be worked out this weekend, family will arive, life will go on & I will still be left with a Fred shaped hole in my heart.